All day at school yesterday I was excited. Very excited. You know why? Do you?
Because that was the day my copy of KOTW was coming.
I had tried ordering it from the U.S. by pre-ordering it on their Amazon, but clearly, that was the wrong move to make. They cancelled the order. Just like that. I nearly died when they did, so I had to re-order it from the UK. I was so upset about not getting it I even payed a ton of extra money to get it shipped in two days. It was so worth it.
So after school had ended yesterday, and my bus had dropped me off at my stop, I walked so fast to my house I was practically running. I didn't want to run to my house, you know? A teenage girl wearing all black, with a backpack full of stuff on her back, running down the street? It looks a tad suspicious.
Once I had gotten home after practically tripping many times, I burst in the door. "Is my book here yet?!" I shouted to my brother.
"No," he shouted back.
My shoulders sagged. Well, that was disappointing.
I tried not to panic. After all, it was only about 2:45 and the UPS truck for packages didn't usually come till four. So, with that little fact, I tried to comfort myself.
I wasn't very successful.
I fidgeted around my room, looking for something to distract myself with. I decided to go on the Blog, as per usual.
Then, around three fifteen, I posted one final comment for the day on Derek's blog:
So that was awesome. I practically squealed with joy. (Note: I say 'practically squealed' in an effort to sound less like a psychopath, but in reality it was more along the lines of 'shrieking and running through the house, holding the book aloft and exclaiming in almost uncomprehendable words, "IT CAME!" over and over again, then flinging myself across my bedroom to plop down on the bed and get to reading.' I suppose that, now that I've told you, my original effort at sanity was wasted.)
I wouldn't let go of the book. It was so beautiful. And it was all shiny and stuff. And blue. And gold. And it was so BIG. I couldn't get over it. I felt like I was staring at it forever, if that makes the moment more dramatic, but in actuality it was probably about 26 milliseconds before I shrieked and flipped to chapter four and started reading (I had already found a way to read the prologue and chapters one through three).
It wasn't long at all before I started devouring every word. In fact, it started after I read the first word. It was so amazing. I groaned at the fact that Eliza Scorn was there, but in a way that I supposed to. She's awesome, but I kind of hate her. No hard feelings. She just, you know, sent an assassin after Valkyrie.
I found it super suspicious that the reflection and Valkyrie were getting along. I didn't believe it. But after a while, I found myself starting to like the reflection. You're very persuasive, Derek. You managed to change my mind. I also laughed hysterically when Desmond told Valkyrie what he told that guy. That was hilarious.
Every time there was a scene at the Sanctuary, I prepared myself for an attack on Ireland.
It's weird, you know. Reading a book about Valkyrie. It shouldn't be, but it is. After telling people for three years that you're Valkyrie Cain does that to you. So having your head almost eaten by a Yeti (YETIS! YAY!) in a book is unsettling in real life to read about. Some examples of when I felt unsettled (It's a long list):
- Getting stuck in the Goal and having the weird buzzing thing in her arm
- The scene in the coffee shop
- Trying to talk to Tanith and Sanguine
- Vomiting after seeing the remains of a corpse
- Any scenes in the Sanctuary (I was constantly wary of those scenes)
- The whole 'train thing'; falling off and Kray
- Dimension shunting
- The freak mask. Just... the freak mask
- Having Val's mind read
- Taking Darquesse away. That's just not fair. That shouldn't make me feel unhappy, but it did
- Vengeous. Serpine. Vile. Mortals.
- Going into the school
- Serpine's towel
- Scorn's other self
- Anything with Kitana and her friends, really. Oh, and the coat thing. That is irritating.
- Darquesse in other reality
- Heads being ripped off, faces melted, hands burned to stubs...
- The Epilogue. Oh my gosh, the epilogue.
I could've made the list longer, but I decided not to. Because I'm nice. Just kidding. That's not why. I just chose to stop typing that.
On more than a few occasions I found Valkyrie responding to things exactly how I would...
"There's a bench here with things on it, bits of machinery and stuff. And some tools. There's a screwdriver! I could use the screwdriver to prise it open!"
"Yes, or you could use it to unscrew it."
Here lies Valkyrie Cain, who died heroically by falling off a train. At least it rhymed.
"Mr Mein, you're under arrest for, uh..."
"Improper use of inmates."
"There you go. You have the right to remain unconscious."
"...And the house would merely be the entrance - the prison is underground."
Valkyrie sighed. "Everything is underground. I'm sick of things being under ground. Sanctuaries are underground, goals are underground..." She faltered.
"Wow," said Skulduggery. "Two things are underground. That's a pretty exhaustive list."
The scene with the 'human sacrifice'.
"Get me a coffee."
"Get me one."
There's a bazillion more, but I can't be bothered to type them all out. I think the train bit was my favourite line. Okay, time for the reasons I started to lose my mind and slip even further into the pit of insanity.
While I was around page 250, I got a text from my mum saying we were going out to look at bridesmaids dresses. It was fine with me. I was going to try on the dress, and just sit there and read my lovely book about death and destructing and skeletons and teenagers.
At about page 340ish she came home for dinner. I refused to leave my room. I was lost in my book. It took a bit of time before I was forced to leave my room to do something silly like eating. Who needs to eat theses days? Why couldn't I just read my book in peace?
Apparently, when I walked out of my room, I looked a bit odd. Well, more than a bit. In the words of my mum, I looked like "a raving lunatic". My hair was a mess, my eyes were probably bulging and I guess my makeup was smeared (I think it may have been a little bit, but it was probably just bags under my eyes). And then, while I was wolfing my food down so I could go back to my room, my mum said, "You know, you aren't taking the book with you to try on dresses."
No. Just... No. I stopped half way through a bite of pizza. "Whaaa?"
"You can't take it, and you can't talk about it there. It'll freak people out."
A piece of me died. "Can I take it in the car?"
She was about to say no, but I'm pretty sure my eye twitched and she realised she had to say yes or I'd lose it completely. "Fine, you can take it in the car."
I wolfed down the last bite of pizza and darted out of the room, heading to my room to keep reading. About 20 minutes later it was time to leave.
I read the book in the car. I've developed the skill not to get carsick from doing it, because it never stops me anyway. We arrived at the dress place. Everyone got out of the car and, moving as slowly as possible, I started to get out. I made eye contact with my mum.
"Leave it in the car."
With my eye twitching and my fingers fidgeting, I slowly set the book down. I got out of the car. "You are so evil."
"I know. I just don't want you reading while we do stuff for my wedding. The book won't go anywhere. I'm sure you'll go tell the blog about your awful mother."
"You're not awful. You're just evil."
We went in, looking at dresses while every last bit of me was twitching or fidgeting or shuddering in someway. There were even a few times when I almost shouted at people who walked by. I kept moaning and squealing and whining in ways that were impossible to understand, and despite the fact that I looked amazing in my dress, I waited so very impatiently to get back to the car.
I practically sprinted when I did. Getting back to my reading, I calmed down a bit. Not very much, though.
I got home, and around nine I forced myself to put the book down to shower. I went back to reading as soon as I possibly could afterwards.
I read for a long time. I was planning to finish it there and then. But it certainly didn't help that the words started to seem hazy every few seconds. It took a while for me to figure out I was falling asleep. I tried to fight it, but it only worked for so long. I passes out.
Around three in the morning - about two hours later - I sat up in bed, and looked at my book. It was open, and I was still holding it. I started reading some more about Vengeous and kept reading, determined to finish that whole freaking book before sunrise.
Around four, I considered going to sleep, but I couldn't. There was no way I was giving up on my traditional read-till-the-book-is-finished-once-you-have-it thing. I was finishing the book and that was that.
Around five I read the last chapter, worried about what could happen next. Then I read the epilogue, and started freaking out. Then I went back to sleep, had some freaky dreams, got up and barely managed to function today.
Now, isn't that exciting?