Melanie and Her Adventure with Lord Stuffingkins
Lord Stuffingkins was the ruler of Nice and Friendly Land, an unpleasant little place. He was a giant 6 foot tall pink teddy bear with a scary moustache. He wasn't the nicest, wasn't the most intelligent, and wasn't the bravest. He was just the ruler.
He was currently looking into his Magic Pie, which showed him kids who weren't being ridiculously cheerful. An image of a girl who looked between 12 and 13, had dark hair, pale skin and light green eyes showed up. Her name was Melanie. She was on her couch, reading a book, when suddenly she disappeared.
Melanie looked around, shocked. she had been in her living room, on the couch, less than two seconds ago, and now she was somewhere completely different.
She was in a bright meadow with light pink grass, lime-green trees, a sunset sky and puffy white clouds. But the worst part was the dozens of 3 foot tall friendly-looking stuffed animals that had scarily large eyes and smiles like the cheshire cat. Melanie screamed.
"Ahh! Everything's pink and happy and smiling! It's scary! What did I do to deserve this?"
A bright blue bunny hopped over to see what all the noise was about. Its smile didn't waver, and its eyes wouldn't blink. It was just smiling and staring for no reason.
Melanie looked at it suspiciously. It was starting to give her the creeps. "What do you want? Go away."
But the bunny wouldn't budge. She tried waving her arms around, hoping to scare it away. Instead, it just got closer.
"Leave me alone!" Melanie screamed as she ran away. She glanced back just in time to see its teeth grow long and pupils dissolve. It made a hissing sound at her, but stayed where it was.
Melanie didn't know how that just happened, but she knew that it did, and that it was possibly the scariest thing she'd ever seen. Or at least scary enough for her to turn her run into a sprint.
After a few more minutes of sprinting, Melanie stopped to catch her breath. Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement. She turned her head and saw what appeared a small parade coming her way. She saw a bush and ducked behind it before they noticed her.
She heard them passing and risked a glance out. Immediately, each member of the parade turned their head to look, no, stare at her at the exact same time. Their eyes followed her as they walked past. One strayed from the group, a striped green cat, and approached her.
Melanie stepped back, giving herself space to sprint should it do what the bunny did.
"Hi," it said in a friendly tone.
"Hello," Melanie responded, wary.
"Hi," it repeated.
"Hi," it said for the third time. This was begining to get awkward.
"I said hi already. Is that all you can say?"
And then it said, "I love you and I'm going to marry you and you'll be mine forever!"
Melanie screamed so loud and so suddenly that everything went silent. Even the parade stopped to watch. And then she made the biggest mistake: she kicked the cat. That cat, however, must've been pretty important, because instantly there was an army surrounding her.
The army was different from the other animals. Still stuffed animals, but tall, taller than Melanie, and scarier. They wore black armour and in the opening for the face she saw stuffing and black thread poking out from what could've been considered battle injuries. Their eyes didn't have pupils, and she guessed that their teeth were sharp, too. The cat disappeared somewhere in the group.
Melanie started to back away. "Um... wait. I... I think I can explain. I--"
"GET HER!" she heard the green cat scream.
A soldier charged at her and she stuck out her foot to trip him. He toppled on to another and they both cried out in surprise. Someone else came at her and she put her elbow through the opening for the face. Hands grabbed her from behind and she swung around to face her attacker. He sprayed something from a tiny bottle into her face.
He released her and Melanie stumbled back, coughing and suddenly dizzy. She tripped and fell. She looked up and saw soldiers reaching for her, and then she blacked out.
Melanie woke up and realised she was blindfolded. She took the blindfold off, sat up and looked around. "What the heck? Where am I now?"
She was in a room that had what appeared to be giant mattresses for the walls, floor and ceiling. In the corner there was a blue teddy bear with a straight jacket on. He looked up slowly and saw her.
"Oh. You're awake." He had a surprisingly low voice. "You must be new. You're in Stuffingkins' dungeon. He's the ruler of Nice and Friendly Land. Stupid name, I know. You'll probably be out soon for your 'Sentence of Kindness'."
"What? Wait, who's Stuffingkins?"
"Like I said, he's the ruler here. He's the fat pink bear with the scary moustache. The moustache's always watching, I swear."
"Ok... Then why are you here? What did you do?"
"I tore someone's arm off and ate what was inside."
Melanie hesitated. "Um... That's... That's interesting."
The door opened and a giant purple squirrel pointed at Melanie and said, "You. Girl. You are requested for a trial. Come now."
"The girl has a name," Melanie muttered. But she got up, even so.
She walked over to the door. The squirrel didn't put her in handcuffs or anything, so Melanie turned around and pushed it over. it looked up at her and she saw its pupils dissolving.
Melanie kicked it very hard in the face, then in the neck. Its head was sent sprawling, leaving a trail of stuffing behind. Melanie looked at it and grinned.
"Wow," she said. "I guess whoever put you together obviously didn't care much, now did they?" She shrugged. "Oh well. I suppose that's what you get for messing with Melanie."
She wandered through the corridors, opening and closing doors as she passed. She peered inside a door and saw someone who matched the blue arm-eating bear's description: pink and a scary moustache. She walked inside.
"Are you Stuffingkins?" Melanie asked.
"That's Lord Stuffingkins to you," the bear replied. "And yes, I am. Aren't you the new prisoner? Where is your escort who guided you here?"
"It's outside the room I was in. I'm fairly certain it won't be joining us. It has no head."
"Ah, yes, thank you."
"What?" Melanie asked skeptically.
"I am thanking you. I have always thought that decapitation was necessary. It was very annoying. I hated that bird."
"Actually, it was a purple squirrel," Melanie corrected.
"WHAT?" Lord Stuffingkins roared. "You killed the squirrel? It was my favourite! Now you get to die! I'm calling my army!"
"Wait!" Melanie interrupted. "That's not entirely fair, is it? An entire army against me? What are the chances of me winning? Practically nothing, right? So can I please have a weapon to fight back?"
Melanie really hated whining like this, but as far as she could tell, the army was pretty wimpy. And if she had a weapon it'd be easier to knock a bottle out of someone's hand before they sprayed her.
"Fine," Lord Stuffingkins said slowly, obviosly anticipating whatever he was going to say next. "But you have to use a weapon so heavy not even my strongest soldier can lift it!"
With that being said, he waved his hand and the wall to Melanie's right opened up. There were a few pieces of silverware hanging on hooks. Melanie looked at them doubtfully.
"Is this my weapon selection?"
"Ha!" Lord Stuggingkins laughed. "Yes! You're so weak and pathetic you can't even lift one! Choose one now or take nothing!"
Melanie crossed the room, in the direction of the wall. She inspected the items there, and easily lifted a fork down. She arched an eyebrow and turned to Lord Stuffingkins. "Pretty heavy, huh?"
Lord Stuffingkins gasped. He leaped out of his chair, and began to back away from Melanie with his arms out of him.
"Ah! The human girl has legendary strength! Help! Army, attack!" Lord Stuffingkins turned and tried to run, but Melanie flung the fork she'd been holding at Lord Stuffingkins and it impaled the bear's head.
She heard footsteps and turned around just in time to see the army arrive.
Melanie sighed in exasperation.
One charged at her and she grabbed a knife down from the wall. As soon as the soldier was close enough, she put the knife through the opening for the face. Grinning, she turned to face the reast of them, and they ran away screaming.
Something glowing on the other side of the room caught her attention. She walked over to see what it was. She immediately recognised it as a Magic Pie. She shut her eyes and pictured her destination, then poked it with her index finger.
In less than a second she was on her couch again. Melanie opened her eyes and looked around, pleased with her surrondings. Just then her mother walked in, holding a pink teddy bear with a moustache. She held it up.
"Melanie, is this yours?"